Friday, September 18, 2009

In retrospect

My nephew was born on the same day that my dad died in 1995. Same day, same time frame. I did not know him then, it would be at least 10 years before I would have the boy in my life. I remember the day of my dad's death so vividly as a day of sorrow, a day of confusion, and of great loss.. how would anything ever be okay again? These would be the same emotions and feelings of emptiness I would later feel on Thanksgiving of 2002.

I saw a woman at the gym the other day who looked like my mom. Maybe she didn't in retrospect, but I found myself watching her as she walked away. I wished this stranger would turn around and be my mom.. I fantasized what I would do or say if it was really her. I felt my eyes welling up, something that hasn't happened in a while.

The love you hold never goes away. After all these years I still have moments when my heart aches. Hard to imagine getting used to a broken heart, but you learn to live again every time. I celebrate my nephew's birthday with joy each year, and Thanksgiving remains one of my favorite holidays.

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